Tuesday, August 23, 2011

you just committed up to seven human resources violations in one sentence

hey blogosphere! sorry i've neglected you. i've been wrapped up in work... joining committees, making plans, making a difference, taking notes, taking names. but more importantly enjoying milwaukee happy hours when it's all over. and during those happy hours i've been wrapped up in breaking stereotypes... other peoples, and my own. most recently the following were broken:

1. just because you went to marquette...
does not mean you're a douchbag who drank on her daddy's dime.
2. just because you play world of warcraft...
does not mean you're a loser who lives in his mom's basement)

i've also been wrapped up in amazement at how true the "workplace" category is on someecards. i don't think i fully understood the irony until i became just another lemming lost in the maze of 5ft grey pin cushion walls. with each one i read, i scream, 'that is SO true!" i couldn't pick a favorite or even a top 5 there were just to many great ones so enjoy...

I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.Stop whatever you're doing and finish this thing I forgot to do.Keeping your job is the new raiseMy strategy for this conference call is to play dead.I'm sorry I was 30 minutes late to the job in which I already work ungodly amounts of unpaid overtime.My door is always open if you ever want to talk about how you can get the fuck out of my office.Our health plan covers half the therapy sessions I need so plan on me being half-insane.Leaving the office for lunch is the new vacation day.I'd ask you to go fuck yourself, but you'd probably just delegate that to me too.I snuck a bunch of booze into work today using my stomach.Let's spend countless hours preparing for a meeting that will be delayed, canceled, or misrepresented.The mountain of paperwork on my desk makes me envy the trees that died to produce it.I wish you appreciated the irony of having your emails printed.Let's regroup to determine which coworkers we want to sleep with.
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1 comment:

  1. MaureenOctober 11, 2011 at 11:56 PM

    all of these are particularly brilliant and snarky and perfect

    ReplyDelete

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