he'll come here because i have the most sincere pumpkin patch and he respects sincerity

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

today is a good day to talk about sincerity.

1) craigslist scammers - oh man! you can't trust anyone anymore. i'm selling my brother's sofa and love seat set on craigslist. here is a common example of the responses i'm getting. (yes, it came to me as all once sentence)

"though i'll be using the services of a mover who will come for the pick up of the item on my behalf all because i'm currently away for a contracting job but i will send a cashier check through my bank to cover the cost of the items the theck will be delivered to you by a reliable courier company within 2-3 working days please do provide me with your full mailing address and also indicate your final price the name that should be on the check and finally a cell phone # kindly delete the posting because am serious in buying it when the funds clears then we can arrange for the pick up asap no po box address"

2) 16 year olds who go trick-or-treating - there's a period between middle school and college where you're not sure what do to on halloween. you're too old/too cool to go around asking strangers for candy and too young to dress up as a slutty nurse for the costume contests at the bars. my suggestion - fill your weekends with haunted houses, midnight showings of rocky horror and buy your own bag of candy.

3) 6 month olds who go trick-or-treating - if you can't walk, or chew your own food, you don't need a kitkat.

4) slutty (insert animal or occupation here) costumes - even if i had a body like some of these college girls, i still wouldn't dress up like that. not because it's demeaning to women... it's just not practical. first, we are

in milwaukee

in october

at night

it's windy near the lake

and 50 degrees out

second, where are you supposed to put your keys/id/cash? don't tell me you're sticking it in your bra, because you're not wearing one. that plunging neckline goes clear down to your bellybutton like a regular jlo. and you're wearing a skin tight concoction of spandex and lingerie... you don't. have. pockets. since you're sans keys & cash i'm guessing you plan on going home with that guy dressed as frat-boy-tiger-woods... oh wait, not a costume, just some dude you picked up at brothers.

this is what my halloween looks like

planting bulbs between trick-or-treaters

contemplating stealing babies

strangers with candy

golden ticket

today i bought a ticket to see this man speak words of wisdom in november...

via

it comes close, but does not quite compare

to the ticket i did NOT get to see these men tomorrow night...

via

sold. out.

anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant

oh there are hurricane force winds outside?

perfect! let's do my hair and wear a dress.

today at the aveda institute

100% of the proceeds went to breast cancer awareness & research

what a perfect excuse to get my brows done and a spa pedicure!

color: dark forest plum

goes really well with my crazy new scars

the student doing my pedicure was very hesitant to ask me what happened

i told her i got into a wicked motorcycle accident

then proceeded to lecture her on the importance of helmets and sharp turns

the brisk weather was also a great excuse to buy this adorable owl mug

(to sip my aveda comfort tea from)

must be gripped with two hands

it just tastes better this way

teabagging

...a great way to spend a blustery day

bahaha all lewd puns aside... aveda comfort tea is amazing. i first got hooked a couple years ago at the aveda institute when they offered me a cup of the soothing blend of mint and licorice during my spa pedicure. with a smooth, sweet finish it's best if followed by a heavy sigh. add a special touch by heating the water in your mother's vintage copper bottom kettle. sip slowly.

scar wars

thursday night was the first night in 2 weeks that i slept without a makeshift gauze-tastic cast around my leg... from this. (it's looking a lot better, but i will defiantly have some wicked scars!) as a result i felt super productive. like a real adult. ignore the fact that i woke up in my childhood bedroom, in my parents house and i slept in till 11 because my minimum wage part-time job doesn't let/make me work on fridays) other than that, i felt like an adult.

the to did list:

buy a new case for my body pillow (ruined by the neosporin smudged out of aforementioned 'cast')

pick up dry cleaning

bring car in for emissions test (passed!)

deposit cashmoneys at the bank (a long and lonely road)

read four chapters in skinny bitch ( be afraid to eat anything for the rest of the day)

wash sheets, pillowcases, duvet cover (loooooove clean sheet day!)

vacuum seal summer clothes in space bags

unpack sweatshirts, sweaters and winter clothes :)

clean windows (use old newspaper not papertowel)

watch a special on the history of halloween (be terrified but laugh at what it's become)

beer battered friday fish fry (one of the more delicious milwaukee traditions)

... and drive through the car wash!

world peas

it gets better

in the past week i have

written

rewritten

deleted

copied

pasted

drafted

and rewritten

my thoughts on the recent bullying epidemic. some posts were as long as college essays, some only two sentences. everything was touched on from gay rights to mental health issues, from personal stories to censorship. but i'm exhausted. exhausted from talking in circles, trying to express ideas that i believe are common sense (e.g. if god is love why do people carry signs saying god hates gays... and jews) or one of my favorite internal arguments about how i think it's ridiculous that women were not able to vote till 1920 and interracial couples were not able to legally marry till 1967. seriously nineteen sixty-seven. what the fuck america? but beyond that... what are my kids going say was ridiculous? how did it take you so long to...?

i digress. so for the sake of sparing you from my continued tangents i decided to share an expert from sarah silverman and a video from dan savage.

simple and true.

dear america,

when you tell gay americans they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids too. so don't be fucking shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torchering young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different. they learned it from watching you.

~sarah silverman

battle scar galactica

i'd like to say the pain is worth the following views i captured, but sitting here with my leg on fire tearing up in pain every 15 minutes... it's easier to say i should have stayed off the hiking trail just this once.

i really cannot express to you how much i love autumn in wisconsin. soon enough i'll be bundling up in hats, mittens and scarves. so one has to take advantage of the crisp/sunny weather, rolling kettles, pumpkin patches, apple orchards and beautiful colors.

lapham peak has spectacular views (highest point in waukesha county) but it was not as big of a challenge as it was on my 8th grade earth science field trip. the last time i was in that part of kettle moraine was to learn about the glaciers that shaped wisconsin, identify wildlife prints in the mud, dissect owl pellets and play the name game with all the tree varieties. this time... no big yellow bus (i got to take mom's smooth ride that lets me play burned cd's), no chaperones, no worksheets, no brown bag lunch... just me and this view on all four sides...

an open letter to my itunes

attn: sufjan stevens, mason jennings, martin sexton, justin vernon, cat stevens, amos lee, colin meloy, ben folds, and ray lamontagne

cc: ben gibbard, graham colton, matt nathanson, sam beam, paul simon (you too garfunkel)

this letter is to inform you that you are all on playlist probation this fall. there is a new leading man in my life (4 of them to be exact). please give a warm welcome to mumford & sons. their invigorating addition to my music library is a long-awaited one, so please be kind. we all know what happened in the spring of 08 when mr. vernon of bon iver came to join us... i would appreciate it if you would all be patient while i play their album on repeat for the next two months. i am grateful for the memories you have all made with me and for the love and support i have found in your lyrics and melodies. however, you could all learn a lesson or two from these enlightened englishmen. their lyrics will simultaneously cut you to your core and make you want to run barefoot in a wheat field. that banjo lets you shed all inhibitions and those vest/suspenders combo will make a girl weak in the knees. even the name 'mumford & sons' is reminiscent of a mom & pop typewriter repair shop circa 1920. boat shoes, old irish folk flair, and 5 o'clock shadows are defiantly swoon worthy.

in conclusion, the competition is getting fierce so you will all need to step it up. when was the last time one of you made me use the word 'swoon'? you will all come back into regular rotations after the holidays, with the exception of sufjan's songs for christmas box set which will be played from thursday november 26th to friday december 31st.

warm regards,

emily

fall break

does anyone even read this?

i've been on a hyatius from technology lately. which isn't anything new, really. never once have i posted a status update on facebook (only the occasional video link only if it's of high importance) such as THIS message from Ellen. i don't tweet, foursquare or flickr. who needs to know what i'm doing and where i am 24/7 ? and because autumn is BY FAR my favorite season it's easy to find an excuse to get away from it all... especially in wisconsin.

kettle moraine - my october home

it's been a long time since i found a book i just couldn't put down

so as long as i have this view...

i think i flip through another chapter