Grape Expectations: he'll come here because i have the most sincere pumpkin patch and he respects sincerity

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

today is a good day to talk about sincerity.

1) craigslist scammers - oh man! you can't trust anyone anymore. i'm selling my brother's sofa and love seat set on craigslist. here is a common example of the responses i'm getting. (yes, it came to me as all once sentence)

"though i'll be using the services of a mover who will come for the pick up of the item on my behalf all because i'm currently away for a contracting job but i will send a cashier check through my bank to cover the cost of the items the theck will be delivered to you by a reliable courier company within 2-3 working days please do provide me with your full mailing address and also indicate your final price the name that should be on the check and finally a cell phone # kindly delete the posting because am serious in buying it when the funds clears then we can arrange for the pick up asap no po box address"

2) 16 year olds who go trick-or-treating - there's a period between middle school and college where you're not sure what do to on halloween. you're too old/too cool to go around asking strangers for candy and too young to dress up as a slutty nurse for the costume contests at the bars. my suggestion - fill your weekends with haunted houses, midnight showings of rocky horror and buy your own bag of candy.

3) 6 month olds who go trick-or-treating - if you can't walk, or chew your own food, you don't need a kitkat.

4) slutty (insert animal or occupation here) costumes - even if i had a body like some of these college girls, i still wouldn't dress up like that. not because it's demeaning to women... it's just not practical. first, we are

in milwaukee

in october

at night

it's windy near the lake

and 50 degrees out

second, where are you supposed to put your keys/id/cash? don't tell me you're sticking it in your bra, because you're not wearing one. that plunging neckline goes clear down to your bellybutton like a regular jlo. and you're wearing a skin tight concoction of spandex and lingerie... you don't. have. pockets. since you're sans keys & cash i'm guessing you plan on going home with that guy dressed as frat-boy-tiger-woods... oh wait, not a costume, just some dude you picked up at brothers.

this is what my halloween looks like